We’re excited for the upcoming Mr & Mrs Smith TV series, but, well, we can’t help but chime in to say ‘we did it first’. Yes, before Donald Glover got the reboot bug and before ‘Brangelina’ was a thing, we were the OG… (Hey, we even have a team of taste-maker spies at our disposal)
The seductive pseudonym has given us the perfect cover for under-the-covers naughtiness around the world as we’ve bed-hopped from boutique hotel to honeymoon-ready retreat and beyond over the past 20 years. We’re lovers not fighters, but sometimes crave the frisson of caution-to-the-wind fun. So, let’s get your blood pumping as we send you on daring missions in spectacular destinations, and prove we’re as adventurous as we ever were…
Beaverbrook
UK
So, where will you find yourselves first on this odyssey of sexually-charged subterfuge? Our enhanced, enhanced, enhanced map says – eh – Surrey. But, who better to ground you in the basics of spycraft and survival than former SAS trooper, honorary lieutenant commander in the Royal Navy Reserve, and exotic gourmand Bear Grylls, who has shaped the Survival Academy at blue-blooded manor-house hideaway Beaverbrook.
Admittedly, some of the activities (rappelling, axe-tossing, rifle-shooting) are a bit sexier than others (bug-eating, stretcher races, air-crash scenarios), but throw in glorious grounds and the odd four-poster bed and readiness and romance go hand in hand. (nb This is more of a group scenario, available on request, so you may wish to get some other couples involved…)
Aethos Monterosa
Italy
Snowy climes make for very dramatic set pieces, and Aethos Monterosa – a curious collection of cabins nestled in the Italian Alps – way ups the stakes, being set at the foot of Europe’s second highest peak; so activities here are majestic and soaring by default. First, harness up for some healthy competition while getting to grips with the indoor climbing wall. Then look impeccably cool (even with a helmet on) as you pick your way up the 12-metre ice wall (the world’s first at a resort).
And by then you’ll be flying, out of a helicopter, that is, and into a freeriding session on ungroomed slopes; or paragliding past the Matterhorn come summer. In warmer weather there are still thrills with slackline sessions and high-altitude work-outs, but we recommend coming in winter for more Alpine action than The Spy Who Loved Me.
Deplar Farm
Iceland
What is it that makes snow oh-so alluring? Perhaps it’s the supremely flattering ring-light effect the sun has bouncing off fresh drifts, the many opportunities to cosy up, or that there’s no unsightly sweatiness no matter how full-tilt the activity.
Up in the Troll Peninsula (as fairy-tale as it sounds), under Deplar Farm’s turf roof, Scandi bedrooms, deep-soaking tubs and the odd deck for watching the dance of the Northern Lights (should they show up) make this feel more Agent Provocateur, the underwear, than inciteful operative. But you’re only sleeper agents by the ends of days spent riding Icelandic horses, sharp-shooting clay targets, practising archery, dog-sledding, and voyaging into the wild on a Sno-Cat. And debriefs happen after-dark in a geothermally heated pool (with swim-up bar) as you stargaze while you float.
Eleven Taylor River Lodge
Colorado
Perhaps couples in a passionately volatile ‘I love you, I hate you, I love you’ relationship shouldn’t abscond to a Coloradan cabin where axe-tossing and BB-gun marksmanship are just some of the activities (some included). But offset these with Eleven Taylor River Lodge’s more gentle pursuits – fly-fishing, strolls by the water, spells in the games room – and you have a getaway that’s equal parts adrenaline-rush ardour and ‘up-sticks and chill’.
With cocktail-making classes, skiing lessons and a chessboard all in play too, you can hone you spy-esque skillset, and alcohol is included in the room rates to help any moment land coolly (but, honestly, we find the generous free minibars – with the good snacks – equally enticing).
Casa Yahri
Colombia
In the country where the Mr & Mrs Smith film’s eponymous couple first encountered each other, find the ‘most beautiful marks you’ve ever seen’ in each other at Casa Yahri in Colombia’s historic colonial town Barichara. There’s a lot of enjoyable laying low, whether it’s in the hotel’s charming, clandestine suites, or gently passing the time weaving a cushion cover out of fique plant fibres, painting with earth or getting massaged in Tibetan style.
But, for full-pelt time-passing, make a quick-cut memory montage out of waterfall-rappelling expeditions, wayward raft rides through the Chicamocha Canyon, paragliding over peaks, and taking up swinging – of a kind – on high-strung cable-car jaunts.
Alila Jabal Akhdar
Oman
We can’t advocate any of this, but if you’re going to hand over a hostage, fire off a bazooka, or hash out the particulars of a shady deal, then Oman’s deserts and remote mountainous regions are kind of perfect.
For legal reasons: you cannot do any of the above at luxurious elevated hideaway Alila Jabal Akhdar (set on a plateau in the Al Hajar range), but you can tread lightly over a precarious via ferrata, trek out to ‘ghost’ villages or hike under a full moon, delve into dams and go deep into animal-roamed cave systems. And even dinner (tagines, pastillas and other fragrant Middle Eastern treats) has a bit of an edge to it – a cliff edge – with a table set on a scenic platform, truly a high point of your stay.
Samujana Villas
Thailand
How do you ever expect to land on a ‘throw me up against a wall and rip my clothes off’ make-out moment without a little cathartic horseplay first? For this, we come to the ludicrously love-inspiring isle of Koh Samui, where, in the sort of cliffside Modernist dream houses a spy would live in, Samujana Villas has a Muay Thai champion on call.
Some safely guided frantic sparring ought to ramp up the sexual tension a bit, and soon – preferably after the instructor leaves – there’ll be load-bearing lovemaking all over the place, just keep in mind that, for view-maximising, most of the walls are made of glass. And take it (the adventuring) outside your villa too, with canopy swoops, scuba-diving and quad-bike revving across the paradise isle, which can all be arranged by Samujana’s staff.
Shinta Mani Wild
Cambodia
It may not be covert exactly, but the god-tier suavity of zip-lining into a hotel bar before being handed a cocktail (a gin and tonic rather than a martini here) allows for some cover-blowing – but, in fairness, involves a dash of mystique too. Shinta Mani Wild, in Cambodia’s Kirirom National Park, can make you look this good, and is so dedicated to punching up the pace of your getaway, you’ll be assigned your own ‘adventure butler’.
They don’t sling your digestifs from a helicopter or scream ‘very good sir!’ as they adjust your cufflinks and man a juddering rifle mount at the same time, but rather plot out an itinerary where you might kayak through the Southern Cardamom rainforest, trek and bike deep into the green, track animals, forage for food, or jump on a park ranger’s motorbike to join them on an anti-poaching mission (exciting, right?). And that’s all before you make the entrance at the bar.
Longitude 131˚
Australia
Our intel informs us that the best place to ‘go dark’ and completely off-radar is actually somewhere with a sunny disposition for most of the year. Hell, Central Australian boutique camp Longitude 131˚’s name even sounds like a handler’s instruction. Now, when we say camp, we don’t mean that those Bear Grylls’ survival skills will come in handy – you’ll have a deck, a proper bathroom, maybe even a private plunge pool, and, a suitably killer shot of Uluru and the expanse of red desert from the comfort of your (real) bed.
It’ll inspire you to do nothing as sedate as stay there though, with helicopter trips to take for seemingly endless panoramas, no-set-speed-limits motorbike tours, off-road adventuring, and respectful hikes with indigenous guides. So, ‘go dark’ and get enlightened.
Park Lane New York
New York City
Ok, we’ll admit for a city as action-packed as New York, it’s quite light on the heavy-duty fun (extreme sporting is more of an Upstate New York thing). But a sleek lofty bar with an iconic view (in this case Central Park in all its glory) is necessary for charged bantering, intense flirting and photogenic rekindling (or just kindling).
Set on Billionaire’s Row, with an exquisitely dressed drinkery set 47 floors up (fittingly called Darling), the Park Lane New York hotel ticks all the boxes for that passionate pay-off.
Looking for more action? Check out our adventure honeymoons.
